Semicolonoscopy (ie: takin' a look at the semicolon)

The semicolon is a spectacular bit of punctuation invited by the Italian printer Aldus Manutius, who also invented italics. Unfortunately, while italics are easy to use (for titles, when you want to show that you're saying the word in a loud/strained voice but feel that all caps makes you look childish, or when something is in lingua alia), people are afraid of the semicolon. It's probably the fault of Microsoft Office, since that stupid little paperclip suggests it at the most bizarre times and everybody finds it easiest to just ignore the semicolon rules and never use them.

Wikipedia has a great article on semicolons that breaks down its various uses, but I'm not quite sure I personally am comfortable with all of them. Using it for sentences which are also separated by an adverbial word/phrase (like their "however" example) seems unnecessary to me; without the "however" the sentence becomes "I like to eat crocodiles; I don't like to be eaten by them." With "however" included (which was included before the second clause and separated by a comma), the second sentence stands on its own, opposing the original. The clause "I don't like to be eaten by them" doesn't really stand on its own; it has no emotive force. It relies on the previous sentence for its impact, and as such a semicolon would link it to the original without putting it in opposition to it; it is a subordinate clause that happens to be a full sentence.

This idea of "subordinate clauses that are full sentences" is one I haven't run into anywhere, but I will also admit I haven't looked very hard. However, it's useful to me because it's something we do, verbally, all the time. Think about some time you've said something and then, without using a linking adverb or coordinating conjunction, you've tacked something on the end. "You are going to regret this; you don't know it yet." If you wanted it to be concessive, you would conjoin those with "but", or if you wanted it to be a threat throw in a good 'ol "and"; both of these words are logical conjunctions with meanings of their own more than just generically conjoining sentences, and that is the beauty of the semicolon!

The semicolon is a pause; it provides for a generic, almost completely emotion-free conjunction between a sentence and some other clause. "And", "but", "or", and all those other conjunctions rely on some synchronocity between the two clauses; if they were logical statements the truth value would depend on both, or at least both would have to be addressed (see what I did there?). With a semicolon, the second sentence is a clarifier, a way to add a little extra to your previous thought without creating any truth-value attachments or associations. In short:

1. You have just said something that needs a little clarification
2. The best way to add this little extra "something" would be with a full clause
3. It has no reciprocity with the previous statement; maybe it is even a little redundant, but it has no concessive or additive value, and thus no need for a conjuction or connecting adverb; it's only there to clarify the previous sentence.

In this case, a semicolon is your best friend; it's like a period that saves you a trip to the "shift" key. If you still aren't sure about it, just think about it as you speak throughout the day; you will be surprised by the number of times a semicolon would apply, and please don't take my increasing abuse of semicolons as the article developed as a model of appropriate semicolonization. I really, really have just been waiting this entire article to make that pun.

Fun fact: semicolons may also be used as a serial comma for lists of lists. Thank you, Wikipedia, because that is awesome and I will now go out of my way to make lists of lists to use this newfound knowledge.

"Semicolon." Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. 1 April 2010. Web. 3 April 2004.